I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
