the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
