first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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