Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Pappa wants mamma naked
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
