My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
