i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
MIDGETS
????
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
