Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
