Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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