oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
