is your mom at the bar?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
