life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
