he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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