I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
