I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
