I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
