if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
