somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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