I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
