Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
