We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
