Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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