i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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