with your own penis?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
