it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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