Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
