So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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