k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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