what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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