I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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