Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
