I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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