oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
