great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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