I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
