I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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