who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
