Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
