I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize