he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
