You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
