Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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