mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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