Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
