At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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