god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Randomize
