I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Soap is not a condiment
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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