actually, I'm a sock model
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
