i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
