she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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