I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
