let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
found the other keg... it's in the tree
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize