My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
