Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
