Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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