the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Randomize
