she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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