I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize