The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize