Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
