Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
