I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
