i think my tv is drunk
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
