careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
