the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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